Holy Saturday. What I appreciated about this Jesuit-run retreat is the fact that Fr. Johnny was not attached to his original plan. He willingly changed today's retreat to address questions from the audience about yesterday's topic. Many questions went around Judas and is he predestined to betray Jesus? No, he was not. God is holy and believes in our free will. Jesus would still have gone through his passion even if Judas did not betray him. (He had lots of enemies after all) When I was younger, I was convinced that people exist for the sole purpose of teaching me a lesson. I used to see criminals this way too. I realized that I was selective back then, specially when good things happen due to people committing something terrible.
Today's retreat made me ponder about the metaphor of God being a gardener. Yes he sustains us, but through Jesus, he also showed us the right way to Him. In a way, Jesus is the good seed that we all want to become. The good seed of Jesus is scattered around us, despite our brokenness, despite our 'weeds' and unfavorable soil, he thrives to live with us. The question is, 'will I let God through me, to influence my seed, specially in times I am overpowered by sadness? or even with Joy?'
I guess my training for this year will be focused on seeing the world as oversaturated with God's love. I know, I know, its really difficult given what is happening around us. I still want to do it for myself though. I want to train myself to remember God's love and its abundance around me. I tend to blame him a lot and question his presence. While that is normal to be felt, I want to be better in trusting in him.
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