Never Left Alone

For the past few months ever since I started paying attention to my emotional wounds, I have constantly found it very challenging to be alone, especially when I'm home. It could be the tiny space I live in. There were just days that I feel very vulnerable, as if the monster is gonna come from inside of me. How do you escape that, really?

However, through the months of attending counseling and applying the concepts in my life, I have found myself alot stronger than I thought I was. Sure, most of the time I resent myself for being a wuss compared to the person I was before, but hmm, I have struggles now that I couldn't have survived then. I'm just thankful I had this struggle now.

Why, you might ask? well, call  me optimistic, but I just think God has placed everything in the right place. My mom is always watchful, making sure I have the necessary support should I need it, but remains to maintain the space I need to grow. Also, Bengie is there who constantly comes with me in my sessions and other exhausting activities that is required for my recuperation. My sister remains distant but more loving. Just the perfect amount of normal and extra care that I need. I have my friends (about 3 I guess who knows about my condition) who helps me remember that this side of me is just a very small portion of myself.

Of course, I will not forget that God is always there with me too. I can feel Him in the people around me. I know because I hear Him, I feel Him, I see him in their love for me.

This whole fear, anxiety and depression about being alone and vulnerable is on a surface level. I found it very deep because, well, I didn't see what I can see now.

I can stay afloat, I can walk out of this.