BRB

I know I have been gone for too long. 


For the past few years, this part of me died, or I thought did. I dont exactly know how, the pressure, stress, maturing, falling inlove, the pains? One thing I am certain about is that I have not felt so disconnected and alone in these years I speak of. The later episodes of my life, hmm.. its been way dramatic that it drained all the inspirations out of me. 


Months, it took me.


Months of numbness. 


And again, months, it took me.


Then I desired to feel again. I look around, I'm overwhelmed by the reality. No friends to lean on this time. Too  tired from the months of hurting to shed a tear of how bad I feel inside. I need to live again, I long to live again. 


I didnt look back, I stayed in the present and look at what I am now. So far, I have failed to live up to my expectations 5 years ago. Suddenly, I felt it.


That urge to check my journals over the past years. To read every single page. Just to remember, who I used to be. 


That little girl, who awkwardly walk on her own, minding her own business, burying herself in her imagination.I would not say she's perfect, but she knows peace. She did not need any spicing up in her life to bring colors, she didnt have to;


She already was spiced up.


In her own good terms, her totality can stand out and conceal her at the same time. She used to be unpleased with herself then, but that girl hold so much that she knows nothing of. 


Dont get me wrong, I love the girl standing infront of me now. She's shown power I never expected, she holds faith that moved mountains... She is a survivor.


The peace that the nerd girl have, and the strength of the survivor that lives now. It inspired me again.


I'm officially back.


And you'll get a load of me.