You get what you wish for

For my baptism in Singles for Christ a few months ago, we were told to choose the best two gifts we'd like to receive among the gifts of the Holy Spirit, namely Discernment, Faith, Healing, Miracle, Tongues of fire, Interpreting the Tongues, wisdom, knowledge and yeah, forgot the others :P. I didnt think about it much though because I already knew what i needed. So I prayed for Faith and Healing. Faith, because I lack it the most. I constantly worry about how ugly my life would get and I also constantly fear about going through it. Healing, because with all the wounds I have in my life, and how weak is my pain tolerance, I'd like to be able to get back up, and help others heal too through me.

Today, January 1, 2012 I realized that God indeed gave me these gifts. In the most mysterious way: the break up.

Towards the end of my romantic relationship, I tried to establish a good come up with God so that I could catch up with the faith of my partner then. Sure it was uplifting attending worship services and learning about Christianity, but i am aware that I do this halfheartedly. It was superficial. After I've become introduced with the pains of heartbreak, thats the time I run to God for peace and healilng. It was unbearable for me because my partner was also my bestfriend through out college, and actually the first friend I had who really accepted me for who I was. The random cries, the sleepless nights, and the list goes on. All these, I prayed to God. Things did not turn out the way I expected and hoped for, looking back at the process, I couldnt believe that I was able to survive it either. Truly, without the Lord's guidance, I could have been more than lost.

With this experience, I was brought closer to God, the break up opened a space in my heart for a personal relationship with Jesus. Sure it was tedious and painful as so much, but I could say its worth it. Also, with this experience, I learn a few techniques how to overlook pains and anxieties, in other words, I learned how to heal myself.  It took a borken heart to receive those two gifts. The process was very unlikely, but if it wasnt for it, I dont think these gifts would be deserved.

God works in mysterious ways. I am thankful I didnt give up soon, or I couldnt have seen God's purpose for that experience in my life. Today, January 1, 2012, I woke up realizing these things just upon opening my eyese. Am i wiser? haha. I dont have a list of new years resolution. I know what I needed and wanted to improve on, and that is to grow in Faith in the Lrd.