29

29.

much wow.

end of an era. 

Let's do a life assessment, shall we?  A career that I am happy to be in, check. Personal and development growth in graduate school, check. family is safe and healthy, check. Halfway with the house mortgage, but living comfortably in our own home, check. The happy yet challenging romantic relationship for growth, check. 

So far, my life has been good, yet I feel significantly small when I unwillingly compare my life with my peers or even those younger than I am. People my age are getting engaged on purpose, getting married, having kids. Yet here I am, dating a 23-year-old who is still struggling to claim his independence from his traditional family. 

The misery isn't just coming from comparing my life with others'; I feel a little disappointed when I look back at my dreams and plans when I was a younger woman. I wanted to be married at 28 or 29 but not have kids until 31. I want to enjoy married life, adjust, and take it slow. However now it seems like I won't be able to have the marriage buffer I planned. 

Truth be told, I am still not financially able to be independent, as I am supporting my family. Ma will retire next year, ate is still not stable in her current situation. My boyfriend is also just a budding career person. 

The pain in my heart comes from wanting something, from feeling ready to commit, yet my situation, will not allow it. 

I do love this man, but I am afraid our circumstances are too different. Perhaps I can no longer deny the need to pray about my life's vocation.

I wonder where I will be in 1-2 years.