For this year, I decided to document my Lenten journey for an important reason: I carry with me problems that bring me near my breaking point. One of my resolutions this year is to become the strongest version I can be, and I know my problems are essential in that development. So instead of giving my problems more power, I will turn them into my personal crosses that I will carry with the Lord this Lenten season. Through these crosses, I pray that God will lead me to be in better union with Jesus.
As of now, my crosses take 3 forms.
The first cross is the family of my partner. I have been strongly prejudiced by them even before. My background, and perhaps my personality are not something to their liking. My upbringing, my virtues, my vocation have been all looked down upon in the past. Very recently, I carry the pain of this cross in my heart caused by being taken at fault for being the recipient of the love of her son.
The second cross is my graduate studies. I am seemingly near the finish line, but under the predicaments that I am disadvantaged to even finish. There is a sliver of hope, but realistically speaking, the odds aren't looking well. My situation as a part time student is a real disadvantage and quitting my job will disable me of finishing my degree. I find myself stuck with the heavy burden of finishing my degree, with the full knowledge that I will not finish it. This cross feels like I am walking towards a destination, but the path keeps on getting longer and longer.
The third cross is my sister's status in the states. She chased after her dreams but for a very expensive cost. This dream chase has caused our family so much sacrifice; financially, mentally, and physically drained. There are no assurances that things will turn out okay for my sister, but going back is not an option anymore. I find myself walking aimlessly with this cross on my shoulder. No destination. No known end.
In this season of Lent, I intend to do daily reflections about my life as I continuously carry these in my heart. By bringing my attention to these crosses, I am hopeful to be given the grace to recognize the times I will encounter Him. By bringing my attention to these crosses, I am gonna try to recognize ever bit of effort, little successes, and everything to be grateful for. Hopefully, at the end of this Lenten journey, even if my problems remain to be the same, I hope to be stronger and a more faithful daughter of God.
Lord, grant me the grace to become the strong person I know you desire me to be. Help me learn how to lean on you always.
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