Scrutiny=Scrunity

I consumed all the pages of my private diary. My emotion tank is filled today, so I'll have to talk personal.

I have been awfully drained today after the open forum (OPLAN 2SPED1 RESTORATION). Listening to all the complaints of my blockmates and not hearing any resolution really ticked me off. It made me very irritable; I get really annoyed with my friends under little-est things!

Ok, so I got irritable. Moving on.. My Sped3 class's current lesson is really interesting. Anxiety Disorders. I dont know, but as I learn more about it, the symptoms, the classifications, I keep assessing myself, and if I'd let the paranoid joi in, I'd say I have more or less Generalized Anxiety disorder, separation disorder, social phobia, Agoraphobia, and panic disorder. haha naah.. I'd be lying if I say I dont want to find out my real condition, but I might sound that I'm claiming I have a disorder. I might decide to get myself assessed one of these days. However I am sure that no matter the condition I will be diagnosed as, I'm still positive I'd get over it. Everybody says they have seen the improvements I had, and I must say I do to. I am better than before. The only thing that hasnt changed is how I looked at myself. I really want to feel good about myself, I just dont know how.

And lastly, my professor said something that hurt me in the inside, she questioned my competency to be a Special Education teacher. To be honest, the only criteria to be in this profession is to want to be here, and the rest will follow. I can improve. I can overcome my incompetencies, but I'm still here in this program. Although I am not sure if I can find the piece in myself to believe that I can do it. God has a reason why He lead me to this path, so I believe in Him.

"God, I dont understand you, but I believe You."


So much for a very tiring day..



I really need a diary.